Lights and ... inaction
Last updated 11:35, Monday, 14 April 2008
THE new University of Cumbria continues to come up with some eye-catching research. It is only a few months since the university co-produced an academic study headlined “Lesbians believe they lose out in job interviews”.
This report claimed that lesbians, who usually wear masculine attire, sometimes dress differently at job interviews in a bid to look how they think employers want them to look. Now there’s another bombshell – kissing in the back row of cinemas could soon be a thing of the past.
At first glance Reiver feared the university had found that cinema ushers were becoming more prudish.
The truth is this: academics in Cumbria, and at University College Dublin, have discovered that for best effect, cinema and TV screens should be viewed in rooms which are the same brightness as the screen.
“The findings will strike a blow to the thousands of dating teenagers across the country who for years have used the cover of darkness offered by dimly-lit cinemas to further love’s young dreams,” researchers say.
Reiver bows to the university’s scientific knowledge of cinema screens, although I must take issue with the contention that brighter lighting will be enough to embarrass young people into chastity.
In my experience, a posse of wild horses and a water cannon would struggle to prise two hormone-riddled teenagers apart. So what chance will an 80-watt bulb stand?
The university’s findings regarding the brightness of screens and rooms are a byproduct of serious medical research.
Professor David Manning at the University of Cumbria and Professor Patrick Brennan of University College, Dublin made the discovery during research into optimising the quality of images in x-rays and scans. Their work could save lives by increasing the accuracy of diagnoses.
Congratulations, then from Reiver, if not from the nation’s teenagers.
