Last updated 07:22, Friday, 04 July 2008

DO you remember the good old days when an appliance broke and a man in overalls came and fixed it?

Through my rose tinted glasses I seem to remember that he was always whistling, always good looking, always had time for a cuppa and never left until the job was done.

I know that is not entirely true. Usually he didn’t turn up for the first three appointments, took twice as long to do the job, and charged you twice as much.

But they were still the good old days because in those days you bought, it broke and they fixed!

Not today, people. We bought a new washing machine recently from a large chain (I am not naming names but think of an Indian dish). The company delivered and installed the machine and, for an extra charge, took the old one away.

Almost immediately the bowl started filling with water when not in use. I rang the company and was told to check that it was level. Despite the fact that THEIR men had installed it, we set to with measuring tapes and spirit levels and got the machine as straight as possible on a floor that’s over 125 years old.

The water continued to get in. I rang again and was told to run it through a very hot wash with nothing in it and to ring back if there was any trouble. There was! I rang. Was my outfall lower than my something-or--other? How would I know?

My husband checked, made some necessary adjustments, just in case, and the water still flowed back into the bowl.

Now we just drain it before we wash the next load because we now know that in this modern society, when you ring about a faulty appliance under guarantee, you are going to get put through to a call centre where people have been warned that its more than their job’s worth to put the company to the expense of actually having someone come out to you.

But if that’s bad it is nothing compared to Tiscali broadband - and they I am prepared to name but probably not shame because they won’t even care.

We love the deal they give us which, as well as broadband, allows us to make free national phone calls all day and every day. Even more importantly, we can make free international phone calls. We are able to ring our son in New Zealand every day if we wish and, if I get up in time, I can call all my friends there.

For the past three weeks our broadband link has not been working. I have rung every night and I have been charged for the privilege of a recorded voice which tells me that due to a high level of calls, I might be better hang up and email them.

I have been through to them about eight times. Each time they tell me to go away and try something else, and they will ring me back the next day. I have isolated filters and changed filters and checked settings and checked connections and never once known what the heck I am doing.

Each evening I wait for the phone call that never comes. Well, it does eventually come, but although I specified they would have to ring after 5pm when I am home from work they have rung twice - once in the morning and once early afternoon.

Finally, when I had reached screaming point, they sent out an engineer last week. Great! The broadband started working, after a fashion, but our phone became so crackly that we couldn’t hear a word. I had to call them again on my mobile because I couldn’t use the phone. They suggested I change the filters and they would ring me back.

I changed the filters; the phone seems better but still we can’t get broadband.

Give them their due; they did ring me yesterday. It was during the day but they rang my mobile. Only I was driving at the time and so I missed the call. They’ve said they will ring me back within the next 24 to 48 hours.

I am now thinking of taking all my annual leave so that I can sit at home by the phone just in case. The thing is, when they do call back, they’ll just ask me to do something else impossible, so if you happen to be expecting an email from me, I wouldn’t hold your breath.

I was a little girl I used to dream about being rich and famous and living at Graceland with Elvis Presley. Now I just dream about hearing a knock on my door, answering it and finding a real live tradesmen there with his tools, a smile on his face and that wonderful, wonderful question on his lips: “Where is the appliance?”