Last updated 19:43, Thursday, 28 February 2008

WHY don’t you write about the behaviour of people on buses, an agitated colleague demanded the other day.

Of course! Anything to please a reader. What is the problem?

Well, the problem is those people on buses who use seats for their bags, taking up extra room that they have not paid for.

I shrank a little. I am the world’s worst culprit - and I do it on planes, trains and buses.

You find yourself a seat and if there is nobody else there you put your stuff on the next seat. But if you are me, you try and look as though it is only their temporarily; you assume an “I’m just getting settled and then I’ll move it” face.

Then, when someone stands by the seat and frowns pointedly, you are overcome and apologetic as if you were just about to move the stuff.

There’s a different tactic for aeroplanes. You get on the plane and find an empty seat in a row of two.

You sit on the outside so that anyone else would have to clamber over you to get to the window seat.

You then make yourself look as big as possible (not too hard, in my case) and you deliberately avoid eye contact with any boarding passengers.

Let me hurriedly say that I would NEVER leave someone standing rather than have them sit with me, but isn’t it the height of luxury to have a seat to yourself with nobody on either side?

So I have to say “sorry” to my colleague. And for her sake I will say that it is terrible to take up seats you don’t need - unless you can get away with it.

Far more annoying, in my opinion, are those people who take over the bus or train carriage by holding loud conversations, listening to loud music and so on.

Mind you, most of the time these are young people and, let’s face it, that’s what young people are supposed to do.

If you are in a bus you’ve got to hope the driver will tell them to quieten down. If you are in a train, move to another carriage.

I love public transport in this country, mainly because there is some.

In my part of New Zealand they had one train going down the country and then coming back up once a day.

You could catch the train to the nearest city at about 11am and return at about 3pm - and that was it.

Buses ran a little more frequently but not frequently enough to be of any great help, so nobody used public transport in my area, anyway, unless they were going some distance.

I love going to Carlisle by train. In fact, if I am only going to Carlisle, I would never go any other way.

By the time you’ve paid for petrol and parking, it is just as cheap to go by train, and it is certainly more pleasant.

I also often take the train down to Oxford to see my daughter. I love it.

But - and there is a huge but here - I think the train prices are absolutely scandalous.

At a time when we are supposed to be reducing our carbon footprint it is cheaper for me to fly to Italy than to take the train to Oxford.

I don’t have a choice of service. Virgin is the only company running.

I like their trains - they are very comfortable. I like the staff on them - they are very helpful.

But I HATE Virgin! They advertise cheap fares. You go on to their website and they have cheap fares available but as soon as you try to book, something goes wrong.

So you ring and find that there are no cheap fares available on your particular journey.

So, next time, you decide to ring a month early and they tell you that tickets for your journey have not been released yet, so they suggest that you try again later.

So, you try again every day for a month, and then you are told that all the cheap tickets have gone.

When I am on a Virgin train I will put my bags on the seat next to me and on the table in front of me.

Because when I am on a Virgin train, I feel I have paid enough to buy the whole carriage.