Wondering why the Heathfield Bridge near Aspatria (A596) still hadn’t been repaired after five months, and my first twine of the day being due, I phoned Cumbria Highways and was told the job was subcontracted to Connect Roads (who they?). I couldn’t have their number but I would be connected.

I then spoke to John, who explained that the bridge had been in collision with a car but work couldn’t start until Network Rail had processed a massive array of paperwork etc. This normally took six weeks.

Tiring of my questions, pointing out that no-one else had complained (and rightly suspecting I was a t.o.b.), he said I would have to speak to Brian, who would ring me. (He didn’t).

After a mug of tea and a scratch, I phoned Network Rail. Sally took the details, and an email arrived within minutes. It gave me a ‘unique’ reference code (very kind – I would have gladly shared), and said I would be contacted “in due course”. (How long is that? I’m nearly 75 with at least one toe in the grave.) Would I also please fill in a “How did we do?” questionnaire which would take no more than five minutes. (My short answer would have taken no more than five seconds.)

A fortnight later I called Connect Roads again, and who should answer but the mythical Brian himself. To cut a very long story short he said he hoped the bridge would be fixed by the end of the summer or at most within 12 months of the encounter with driver. He couldn’t predict the total cost but didn’t contest my estimate of £100,000 (cancelled trains, bus replacements, special scaffold, expert engineers, closed road etc etc).

Could they not fix it temporarily with a few batches of cement, and at least remove the traffic lights? Unthinkable! Health and safety!

Cumbria Highways' number is 0300 303 2992, Network Rail's 03457 114141. Amazing how much an avalanche of calls can speed things up! (I’ll call John/Brian at Christmas for a final tally).

COLIN AINSWORTH
Aspatria