Five mattresses and 150 pillows later and I still can’t sleep!

I average about three hours sleep a night on a good night but my main problem is getting to sleep in the first place.

I bitterly resent my husband. He goes to bed, closes his eyes and I have to wake him in the morning.

Even in the middle of a coughing fit he keeps sleeping. He wakes me up but he keeps sleeping!

My problem is getting my neck comfortable. I have tried everything.

I have had soft pillows, firm pillows, memory pillows, foam, duck down, goose down, every kind of downer, upper and in-betweener and nothing works.

I am seriously thinking about cutting out the middle man and grabbing a passing duck, goose or swan to see if the real thing works better than the pillowcase-covered alternative!

I decided to seek the advice of an expert – my local osteopath who knows at least a little bit about everything.

“What is the best pillow for me?”

“The one that suits you best.”

Well – that didn’t help.

It did lead to an interesting discussion, though, on the difference between what manufacturers promise and what actually happens.

I have had pillows that have promised to take me to dreamland, or that I would feel I was sleeping on a cloud.

I have had pillows and mattress combinations that would ensure my neck was at just the right angle and my spine would lie just as it ought – and none of them have worked!

I have tried four pillows, two pillows, one or none.

I have had a soft bolster around my neck, lain on my right side, left side, back side and front side.

Everything works for a minute or even two nights and then I am back to square one.

Before I digress, if anyone anywhere in the world can offer me sleeping advice, get in touch quickly!

Anyway, as we continued to discuss manufacturing claims, my expert mentioned a TV advertisement showing a woman thrashing her husband at tennis after applying a healing lotion to her previous tennis elbow.

Skin, my expert reminded me, is a protection for our bodies.

It is unlikely that there is any topical medication that reaches deep enough to really heal.

The act of massaging some creams in is probably what helps a sore bit. But, live and let live. If you think it is helping go for it.

The trick is to make the consumer feel that they are buying something that fulfils a need in their life – whether they know they need it or not!

Yep! I went to Lakeland Limited in Windermere last week. I love that place because it is the epitome of somewhere catering for your unknown needs.

As I went in I was promising myself I wouldn’t just buy for the sake of it.

Obviously I HAD to have the potato peeler that has a gadget tucked into the handle for taking the eyes out of potatoes. How have I nearly reached the age of 67 without having one?

I haven’t used it yet but I know it is going to change my life!

So, by the way, is the £50 ceiling clothes airer.

It dries my clothes wonderfully – but so did the clothes horse I had upstairs. It also looks a bit messy in my beautiful new kitchen and the pulley rope interferes with opening the cupboard door to the boiler. But these are small prices to pay for offering the neighbours the opportunity to see my knickers hanging by the kitchen window!

How many unused gadgets or bits of unused gadgets do you have in your cupboards?

How many machines that dice, spiral, julienne and do everything but cook your vegetables? Then there is the pineapple peeler/slicer, the banana holder.

Now, just find me the perfect pillow!