It is a hard thing to face, but face it I must - I am completely useless and it’s all Brexit’s fault!

I was lunching with friends recently and, not surprisingly, the topic turned to Brexit. We started talking about what would happen if we left with no deal and wondered about the scaremongers who are telling us we are going to run out of food, medicine etc.

From there we went onto trade with the United States and having to eat bleached chicken and crops that were possibly genetically modified vegetables.

"I remember learning as a child that they were trying to grow bigger and better crops to feed the starving, I suppose that was GM," I suggested.

"Let the starving have it," exclaimed my charitable friend Ann, "I'll just eat the veggies from my allotment."

Before we knew it, we were living in this dystopian world where only the fit and the resourceful survive.

Somehow Brexit - or the civil war that resulted over Brexit differences - had plunged us into some post-Apocalyptic world where only the fit and resourceful survive.

I am doomed!

I suddenly realised how totally useless I really am and it is not a pleasant experience when the person you imagine yourself to be comes face-to-face with the reality of what you are.

I looked at my friends Kath and Ann and wondered why they were event friends.

Both MAKE things. They can turn anything into anything and paint the house at the same time. Ann grows things.

In this post-Brexit devastation we once called Great Britain, they are going to be fine. They grow, they cook. They will make clothing out of leaves or scraps of material and will use herbs and flora to mix up medicines to cure everything from colds to cancer.

I, on the other hand, will be standing watching. I might beg a little, but if people like them don't look after me I will be dead by morning.

I don't cook. I don't sew. I don't grow. I don't ...... Well, it would be easier to list the things I can do because it is a much shorter list.

I'm not even healthy and the diseases and conditions I don't have I can always imagine because imagining is something I'm great at. So is reading books and listening to music. Great for survival.

I can't even depend on my job because I don't feel that journalists, lawyers or estate agents will be amongst the groups chosen for salvation in the scary new world.

I put this to my friends still secretly hoping that they would find a skill I had simply overlooked in my modesty.

They did: "You can make us laugh,"

I am sure I will - as I stand there naked and starving because I don't have the skill to clothe or feed myself.

I don't know why I am worried.

All this talk is based on a no deal Brexit. With the way the decision making is going we will still be leaving in 20 years time and, hopefully, i will have died peacefully, fully dressed and having had my last meal.